Most awkward (but relevant) blog post ever? Also I don't edit anymore.

I edit articles for theDispersion. I love it. I love theDispersion and I love the job- I get to preread loads of great articles and make sure that they don't get published with mistakes. Which seems trivial but it makes it all seem a bit more professional. Anyway. About the reading. I always end up waiting ages and then editing like 10 of Jack's articles in a row, and they speak to me. He's very honest. He'll talk about his personal sin and it boggles my mind. It's incredibly admirable. Personally I do something a bit opposite. There are some sins I will talk about but they almost always fall into one category - past sins. Nothing I'm struggling with right now. I keep almost pretending that this is a different note but it truly is not. Here is the next thing I want to say, that is still the same train of thought. This is a bit of an article Jack wrote, I don't know when it will be available to the public.

A totally revolutionary way of considering your sin is through the standard that originates from Jesus’ sermon on the mount, specifically in Mathew 5:28. If you look on a woman lustfully, if you want her, you are sinning just as much as any adulterer. Purity is not simply purity of deed it truly is purity of spirit.

This sucks. Like this sucks some mega giraffe abortions. I am flippant because I'm so uncomfortable. Not only is looking at porn sinful so are all the nasty thoughts that go through your (my?) mind about other people and so is being distracted from God because people around you are hot. Smoking hot worship leaders are the worst because while closing your eyes solves the problem of seeing them and makes the singing more intimate with God you so do not want to close your eyes. I can't tell you how many times I've spent time I should be worshiping thinking about the body of the person leading. Maybe that's creepy.

There's a song by Lecrae called Killa. My interpretation of it is the part of Proverbs talking about the adulteress beckoning and such. In the song she's saying,

Baby, this is innocent. It won't even hurt a little bit. I'm only here for your benefit. I'm your every wish. Come on and let me in.

The first line is what gets to my mind. This and the verse Jack mentioned mean something big. They mean that what you do in the privacy of your bedroom is bad. I don't mean what you do with your hypothetical spouse in your hypothetical marriage bed, I think you know that. And I am using the general "You" and not directing this solely at people who would read this. Here's the deal. If you read things even from such people as James Dobson they will say that the things teenagers do in their bedroom or shower (yeah that) is not sinful and natural. And that's a nice crutch. But it keeps gnawing at my mind, if you have to tell yourself that something is innocent, does that not show that it isn't quite as innocent as you would like? I'd like to say I think it completely depends on the content going in one's head as to the innocence of the activity. But I don't know anything.

Here's another thought I keep having. I keep thinking about how Charlie Sheen lives/lived with Bree Olson, who as you probably don't know is a really really pretty porn star. I found out through Philip DeFranco talking about Charlie Sheen, for the record. He had a picture of her. I keep thinking what is that like? Not what is that like in bed or anything like that. Sort of the opposite actually. Pornography is all smoke and mirrors, it's all acting (sorry if you didn't know that. Spoiler!). Even [especially?] interviews with those in the sex industry are total nonsense designed to get people excited.
Again, common knowledge right?
So my question is, what would it be like to see this woman with no makeup, in sweat pants with greasy hair? Sitting on the couch eating potato chips. Doing all the un-sexy things that real women do. I don't fully understand that because he's either ruining the illusion for himself or perpetuating the illusion by getting her to act like she does on set. Which seems sick to me. I would be fascinated to talk to a porn star completely off the record. I once heard a man talking about ministering to strippers or something (hosea and gomer much?) and how much they all HATED men. You walk in and they are all over you but that's the act, and besides they want your money. I think it's so sad that they turn into machines. That they turn something beautiful created by God, not just their bodies but also sexuality and turning it into nothing. Personally I would generally say I'm all over legalized prostitution and gay marriage because marriage is not sacred anymore and if you think it is i would encourage you to look at the divorce rates. But after reading this article on sex and the sanctity of marriage I don't know where I stand. I do actually. I want to keep marriage real and I want to keep it sacred. But it's strange feeling because I know it's not very sacred now.