Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything they do.

Within the past year (12 months, not 2011), I have been trying new things. Not as a big effort to make myself try new things, it's been individual choices. I rode my first roller coaster, I rollerskated, and today I ate traditional Japanese food.

Wow.

Today was a lot more like the roller coaster than the rollerskating, and it was even more novel. In my mind I am afraid of roller coasters, but I don't think I really am. They're just very strange to me and I don't know what to expect. In rollerskating, I knew what to do I just sucked at it and I kept going, that was my effort. I was so beat up and I kept trying. When I went to Elitch's with my church, I rode a roller coaster. I was really nervous and it was very strange. I had no idea if I liked it. It was just weird. Today, I went to Domo, it has a magical atmosphere. I ordered something with fried rice, beef, and a sweet teriyaki sauce. I received that plate along with three little plates of food, and a small bowl of soup. I tried it all, and I ate substantial amounts. It was so strange. There was a weird feeling in my mouth because I literally had tasted nothing even remotely like that stuff before. On a couple of the small plates there was a vague hint of wasabi, and the soup tasted smoky. But even my fried rice tasted nothing like what I have had in the past. It was a lot like the roller coaster because despite Domo being ranked as the 5^th best restaurant in America, I have no idea if I liked it. It felt strange in my mouth because it tasted nothing like what I normally eat, or even rarely eat for that matter. There was not much sauce, and no soy sauce. At the bottom of the menu it says you can request a fork, but you will not get soy sauce under any circumstances because your food is perfect when it arrives at your table. I guess I was expecting it to taste a lot more like Chinese food, but it's not, and besides I'm sure Chinese food tastes a lot different than the few things I am very comfortable eating. This is one of the strangest meals I have ever had, my brain couldn't process it. And my body feels weird, because I'm not hungry and I'm not full and I don't have a stomachache or heartburn, which may be more to do with my eating habits than the food.

There was something on my plate that scared me. It was a bunch of things and some white thing and some red thing, I don't know, it looked terrifying. But it was good. Even after taking two good bites I was afraid of it.

Trying new things is good, although I have one caveat. The other day I was at a buffet and I grabbed a mussel. I couldn't eat it, it looked too creepy. My caveat is I am not going to eat a mussel, ever. But this summer I want to try roller coasters again....If I have someone to ride with me.

If I could say what I want to say.

You blow my mind. I can't believe that someone like you wouldn't know what they're supposed to do with their life. Firstly, it's so obvious to me what your strengths are and I don't understand how it's not crystal clear. You love people. You love Jesus. You teach all the time. Clearly, you should be a dentist.
Secondly, you could do so many things, even if by some weird miracle you decide to do something else, I'm sure you can do it. Why are you worried?

This all makes me wonder if my strengths are visible to other people. And it makes me think how lame it is that what I want doesn't depend on strength or talent.

It's interesting, because people always say I should be a photographer or an artist or edit pictures or something. And it never crosses my mind as an option. That's just stuff I do and while it would be cool for people to appreciate my pictures, I don't want to do it for a job. I can't fathom people giving me money for it and I don't want to just bang out pictures for the money.

Sometimes I think about going to college, but for what? I want to be a wife. And sure I can and will do other things, but that's my priority. I was thinking about it a while ago, what one thing would I hate myself for missing the opportunity? There are some things I'd kind of like to do like travel or write but the thing that I most am afraid of is to have the chance to be with someone perfect and not take it and maybe that's a little strange but whatever that's what's in my mind.

It just sucks that my dream is not for a career because if I wanted to be a doctor I could do specific things to help achieve that dream. Since I may not be able to make my dream happen, what do I do? Just chill? Master making sandwiches?

I know in the back of my mind that at 16 I shouldn't be worried about my future but as more of my friends are going on with their lives it's on my mind all the time. It drives me crazy.