And I could never take a chance, of losing love to find romance.

I'm just incredibly pleased with the world lately. I've been watching Panic! At the Disco videos all day. 2 of them. On repeat. That's how I roll.
I've been on the computer really often lately because my iPod is dead to the world. I should get it looked at. If it's dead I might get a non-apple music player. I know right? I've just gotten over apple. I don't have much against it but the thing is by now I bet that mp3 players have a lot less variation in quality and such and I don't want to pay extra for stuff.

Anyway! I'm back to my days of unfocused shite blog posts. I wanted to talk about how happy I am but what is there to say? I'm just really happy. It boggles my mind. I remember back in April before I got with my ex being just beyond happy. That was why I didn't want to be with him, because I was so happy and just enjoying being young and single. But he talked me into it. I decided over and over that this was a bad idea and I would tell him and he wouldn't take no for an answer and then when he would it was like kicking a puppy. And I'm not saying the whole time I was manipulated at the beginning my emotions were really hot and cold. And parts of it were really good for a while however there were issues I'm not going to get into. And I'm just revelling in being single right now. I can throw my phone out a damn window and no one's going to blame themselves and no one's going to get upset that I'm not talking to them literally the entire time I'm awake.

I can have a crush on 97% of the male population. Which is what I'm really reveling in right now. If I made a list of all the guys I kind of have a thing for right now I'm not sure how many pages it would be. Basically if you're a guy with a smile I kind of like you. Shawn from Psych, Ewan McGreggor, Christian Bale, today I love Brendon Urie a lot. There are guys I know personally who I kind of like as well but don't worry if you're reading this you're probably not one of them. I'm just enjoying it. It's not that I would actually do anything with any of those guys given the chance I just find them really attractive. Not in a sexual way, in a way of just adrenaline. Of a crush. It's the darndest thing. Man F you blogger darndest is a word.

How does a heart look if no one has noticed its presence and where does it go? Trembling hands play my heart like a drum, but the beat's gotten lost in the show. You have set your heart on haunting me forever from the start, it's never silent.

Our breakup made no sense. I spent (Me, my pocket) an unspecified amount of money on a birthday party a week before and we were just thrilled with each other. He went on a trip that wedensday. He texted me every night on his trip "I miss you baby. We've been doing this and this and I can't text much but I just wanted to let you know" and as soon as he got home he was just a different person. That sunday I pretended not to be sick and we pretended to be ourselves and we took a walk and broke up on a bench. It was really weird. I had a lot of questions for a while I talked to him about it and apparently his feelings just turned off. I talked to him some more and got closure and it hurt for about a day. Next day I was good. Not hurt and not interested in him. I did wish him harm for a while but now I really don't care what he does in the world.

I want to learn to play the drums. Any takers?

 

I hope you appreciate me baring my soul.

Here are the videos I've been watching today. I highly recommend them.

Let's Kill Tonight:  This is a fast song and I love this video. It's simple, but I can't stop watching it.

Ready to Go:  This one is just really fun. Really whimsical