I have a lot of strange angst these days.
I consider myself someone who cares for others, but I'm finding myself in a different position. Being short with people.
It makes me completely hate myself.
A couple of months ago, I went off of antidepressants. Mostly it has been really cool, when I first went off them I was super dizzy, but the biggest problem has been my emotions getting super heightened.
I had gotten really used to living a completely jaded existence, and it's because every feeling was very dulled.
Suddenly, there was no barrier. Funny things were hilarious, sad things were awful, frustrating things were really bad. I was crying. I haven't cried without a really great reason in years. I was getting the giggles constantly.
It's been quite a ride adjusting to having all these new feelings. It has been a somewhat difficult journey and I have been feeling very insecure about it lately. For some reason my thick, thick outer shell has dissolved some. I care a lot about what the people I care about think.
My highs are higher, and my lows are lower.
I am happy to live fully, to truly feel things. I'm just not used to it at all.
Lately I've been getting organized and working on my attitude. I have been working on a whole bunch of things very hard. I hope I can redeem myself to the people I have hurt. I hope I can work out my feelings. I get breif dark impulses and I have to keep training my mind again to not go there. I guess I got lazy with the help.
