Repetition. Habit. Redundancy.

I've heard it said that our brains have ruts in them. Not physically of course, but our minds. When you hear something you react in a certain way. If you react that way enough it becomes second-nature to you, to the point that you don't even consider reacting in a different way. I think we go through a lot of our lives on autopilot. I have OCD and this is okay with me; there are a lot of ticks I have and if I were forbidden to do them I would be climbing the walls. Watch my right-hand fingers in a car sometime, there's a small thing I've been doing ever since I was a kid. With the mental problems I apparently have, repetition can be very soothing. So when the pattern is disrupted, it can really jar me. Somehow, on the other hand repetition can make me crazy. There's a rumour going around that I might be bi-polar and I certainly understand where they see that. But the way I see it is I'm just really passionate. I don't want to be stuck with one thing forever. I need to do weird things sometimes, open unmarked doors, and look for adventure. Because as nice as repetition can feel, I'm only going to be here once and I'd rather not sleep through it.

I'd like to add a few quotes from one of my favorite webcomics, xkcd.

The infinite possibilities each day holds should stagger the mind. The sheer number of experiences I could have is uncountable, breathaking, and I'm sitting here refreshing my inbox. We live trapped in loops. Reliving a few days over and over, and we envision only a handful of paths laid out ahead of us. We see the same things each day, we respond the same way, we think the same thoughts, each day a slight variation on the last, every moment smoothly following the gentle curves of societal norms. We act like if we just get through today, tomorrow our dreams will come back to us.

And no, I don't have all the answers. I don't know how to jolt myself into seeing what each moment could become. But I do know one thing: the solution doesn't involve  watering down my every little idea and creative impulse for the sake of someday easing my fit into a mold. It doesn't involve tempering my life to better fit someone's expectations. It doesn't involve constantly holding back for fear of shaking things up.

- dreams

Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they're doing. Do things without always knowing how they'll turn out. You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember that you are always making up the future as you go.

- Choices: part 4