Poetry,ish.

 HEY.

Some of these (especially the first) are personal and intense and sad. Read at your own risk. I wrote these a while ago. I feel better now. Just a disclaimer. I don't want to shock anyone too badly. I would feel really bad.



Your name

Sounds like a foreign word

After all these years

Just how many, I don't know

I was little

Was it my fault?

Did I want this?

Is it okay to feel

the way that I feel?

Is it adding to the brand

and is that so bad?

I feel so sick just remembering

God, where were you?

Why did you let this happen?

I scrub and scrub

But I don't feel clean

Each clean mark shows how dirty I really am

I can never clean myself

I feel hopeless

but redemption

is more than a feeling

~~******~~



My moments are leaving
They are slipping
Through my fingers
Through the cracks
How do I stop them?
Where are they going?


~~******~~


Please
Feel me
See me
Hear me
No
Stop
Listen!
Listen to what I'm not saying
See the me
Behind the mask
Please
Hold me close
Don't let me go
Don't let me fall
I can't get up again
I'm tired of failure.
I can't recover on my own.

~~******~~

"Who will you serve?"

I heard the question

And foolishly,

I thought I knew my answer.

But now...

Here I lay

Bleeding

Not living

Heart beating

Between the awful thoughts that I can't stop

I know

This choosing made every day

Shows truth

Shows who I'm serving

I don't know how to change this

Or even if I want to

Truth is...

I can't.

And don't.

But he can.

But he does.

Yahweh

Father

Will you save me from myself?

~~******~~

Intimate.

I showed you my poems

Told you my secrets

You didn't run away

You hold me when I cry

Is it okay

That I feel like a see-saw

Afraid and broken

Did we break each other?

Did I break you?

~~******~~

I never knew brotherly love to be so strong

I adore you

you are my hero

My teacher

My brother

You make me mad

Make me laugh

You give the best hugs

Remember?

Lakes

Blankets

Smoothies

Getting baptized in a hot tub

But things change.

Work

College

Projects

Am I still your sister?

~~******~~

Perfect.

Wake up!

A brisk winter day

Perfect dreams shattered

By a cold bedroom

An alarm clock's ringing

Clarity creeps in

Between the covers

Between the figment and the reality

Sweet air

Open sky

A smile spreads

For this is the day that the Lord has made