The last side of the kiosk was covered in mirrors. It's different from writing down a prayer request or what your dream is, at least for me, because it's a meditative thing. Everyone there was so supportive and I got the feeling I could stand there as long as I needed and no one would mind.
But I didn't.
I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle looking myself in the eyes that long. I didn't want to look at myself and read what God thought of me. I didn't know what I wanted to do but that surely wouldn't make the list. I looked for a few seconds and went back to my seat. I comforted all these girls and it was an amazing thing to be there from them and cry for their pain and not mine but then i felt close to them and i wanted to talk about what's wrong with me and i was about to but we had to stop and i started crying so hard and everytime adam turned around i turned around too. It was a silly thing and i'm glad i got to get the emotion out but i don't know i wanted my friends to be there for me too and i know they would've been and all week i talked to D about my past and his and our mutual depression and self injury and i found out one of my friends has zoloft too and it made me so happy it's what finally made me want to talk about my eating but i didn't get to and that's okay it was still an amazing time but it was like, what am i going to do now because all week i had been thinking man i have nothing wrong with me only as the week went along it got harder and harder to eat and i wanted to run down to the gym more and more and i was like shoot maybe i do have a problem and i didn't know what to do.
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