"So you come back 50 years later and skip all the messy bits?"
"Life is the messy bits."
I want something wonderful and irrational. Something perfect in its brokenness. I don't want someone I tolerate. I want to be led, not manipulated.I don't want the ups and downs, spiking and diving....I want what's right. Someone who will build me up, who I respect.
I don't want to wear a shell forever.I want to be knocked off my feet. I want to wait. I want to believe in love. Fairy Tale, white knight love.
Maybe if I let my feelings out of their box...
I'm used to not feeling anything.
But I'm watching Letters From Juliet and I have this strange feeling in my chest.
Maybe feelings are good. I don't like the thought of my exterior being broken down but every time it happens, it's so wonderful. I have such sweet, wonderful feelings. Maybe I'm not such an awful old crab after all. Maybe it's okay to be vulnerable, to believe. Maybe if I fall, someone will catch me.
I realized during the dramatic, perfect kiss, I didn't feel the same awful dark way I had been.
Maybe the way to really survive is to stop trying to just survive. To just live. In making myself vulnerable there's a whole new store of strength for me.
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